Happy, even when its all falling apart...

I love life!
I wake up each day with a deep inner peace and happy heart. Even when I'm stressed out, or have a millon things falling apart. Everything seems small and trival compared to what I have all ready been through and faced. I have a knowledge of my strength, I know that what ever comes my way I can deal with. I have decided this comes from having been through hell and back. I believe without a doubt that my life is unfolding exactly as it should. That I am being watched over and protected and I am never alone.

I love this feeling, I love knowing I have what it takes to get through whatever life throws at me. I love the confidence I have in myself, I no longer care what everyone thinks, because I believe I am doing exactly what I should be doing. That I know what is right for me and no one can change my beliefs. I am happy with the person I am becoming and that I have learned to listen to that little inner voice that is guiding me.

A new blog

I'm going to try the whole blog thing again.  I love to write and it makes me feel better,  so here it is...

My heart knows...

As I sit here, its 5:00am.

Ive been awake for a couple of hours all ready.

I cant help myself from thinking about what I was doing 2 years ago.

In 14 days it was the day that Corey was rushed to the hospital and was put in the ICU for his sepsis infection.
At this time 2 years ago I was fighting every hospital in Salt Lake and Davis countys, trying to find someone who could so a stomach scope now. Something was definitely wrong with him and we couldnt figure it out. We went to our regular doctor twice, had a stomach scope, and 3 emergency room visits. We never did figure out what was wrong. In the days at the hospital I never once gave up and thought he wasnt going to be coming home with me. One of the main things Corey taught me was to be a fighter and never give up. He couldn't fight, so it was my turn to fight for both of us. In the end no amount of fighting, love, prayers, begging or treatments would make a difference. I had to make the hardest decision of my life. I had to quit fighting for him, I had to let him go. I know now that he was ready and waiting for me to be the one to say, It's okay, I will be okay. He was needed for better things in heaven.

Now I'm sure a lot of people think, "Its almost been 2 years, move on". Dont get this wrong, I have moved on as much as I am capable for now. Things change everyday and I am embracing life without him. There are some things that remind me of him more than others, like the number 21. No matter what month it is or how extremly busy I am, it is a remember day, I dont pay attention to what date it is for a reason. I hate dates and times. I always just know when it's the 21st. My heart knows, I cant explaine it, I have learned to accept that some things make me automatically jump to how long he has been gone. Then the memories come flooding back.  x            8