As I sit here, its 5:00am.
Ive been awake for a couple of hours all ready.
I cant help myself from thinking about what I was doing 2 years ago.
In 14 days it was the day that Corey was rushed to the hospital and was put in the ICU for his sepsis infection.
At this time 2 years ago I was fighting every hospital in Salt Lake and Davis countys, trying to find someone who could so a stomach scope now. Something was definitely wrong with him and we couldnt figure it out. We went to our regular doctor twice, had a stomach scope, and 3 emergency room visits. We never did figure out what was wrong. In the days at the hospital I never once gave up and thought he wasnt going to be coming home with me. One of the main things Corey taught me was to be a fighter and never give up. He couldn't fight, so it was my turn to fight for both of us. In the end no amount of fighting, love, prayers, begging or treatments would make a difference. I had to make the hardest decision of my life. I had to quit fighting for him, I had to let him go. I know now that he was ready and waiting for me to be the one to say, It's okay, I will be okay. He was needed for better things in heaven.
At this time 2 years ago I was fighting every hospital in Salt Lake and Davis countys, trying to find someone who could so a stomach scope now. Something was definitely wrong with him and we couldnt figure it out. We went to our regular doctor twice, had a stomach scope, and 3 emergency room visits. We never did figure out what was wrong. In the days at the hospital I never once gave up and thought he wasnt going to be coming home with me. One of the main things Corey taught me was to be a fighter and never give up. He couldn't fight, so it was my turn to fight for both of us. In the end no amount of fighting, love, prayers, begging or treatments would make a difference. I had to make the hardest decision of my life. I had to quit fighting for him, I had to let him go. I know now that he was ready and waiting for me to be the one to say, It's okay, I will be okay. He was needed for better things in heaven.
Now I'm sure a lot of people think, "Its almost been 2 years, move on". Dont get this wrong, I have moved on as much as I am capable for now. Things change everyday and I am embracing life without him. There are some things that remind me of him more than others, like the number 21. No matter what month it is or how extremly busy I am, it is a remember day, I dont pay attention to what date it is for a reason. I hate dates and times. I always just know when it's the 21st. My heart knows, I cant explaine it, I have learned to accept that some things make me automatically jump to how long he has been gone. Then the memories come flooding back. x 8
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