Adrenaline

Here I am, I made it through the 2 year anniversary. I knew I would.

I know the cycle so far, I always  build it up in my head, making the few weeks before the actual day 

worse than the anniversary day. 

I have given myself hives, headaches, anxiety, a complete loss of sleep, complete loss of my brain... etc.

This little guy is my miracle. For those of you that don't know, he is my Nephew from Corey's side.

His Dad is working, and going to school, while raising this cute little boy by himself.

David Edward Nielsen III, (Tripp) was in his moms tummy before Corey died and he used to talk to her belly and was excited about seeing this little guy born. He never got the chance, Tripp was born 4 months after Corey died. It was special. I was there when he was born and would watch him from about the time he was a month old. He had been with me on all the anniversary days and hard times. We call it Tripp therapy. Things didn't work out between his parents and his Dad was going to have to put him into day care, Instead I said let me be the day care. I all ready had a crib set up for him and had him a couple days a week. So now I have him every week from Wednesday or Thursday to Saturday or Sunday. 

From the day he was born he was so much more than a Nephew to me, the feelings were different, deeper. He is my world and he comes first. He is in all my thoughts and decisions. I consider him my Boy. I am so grateful he is a part of my life. I don't know where I would be with out him. 

This anniversary date I was scheduled to have Tripp with me and was glad that I was going to. His Dad kept offering to let me take him earlier so that I would have my little guy through the hard times. I kept telling myself that I can do this by myself. I will have Tripp and I will be okay.

How I wished I had picked him up earlier. I pulled into the driveway at his house and he got into my arms, I cant even explain the feeling of peace and happiness that came over me. It took away every little bit of anxiety and stress I had been feeling.  I spent the 21st, at home with him watching movies, cuddling, and playing with him just relaxing and enjoying every minute of it. It was perfect.

Now I am feeling like all the adrenaline and anxiety has left me and I am completely totally exhausted. I went for the week before only sleeping a couple of hours a night if that, yet I wasn't tired. I realized today I was living on adrenaline again, I have been asleep all day and its felt wonderful. 

In fact as I type I am falling asleep again and am going to end this for now, even though I have more to say...

I want sleep!