Gratefulls...

It's here, just a few more days and 2 years ago Corey was admitted to the ICU.

Almost 2 weeks later and I had to say, Goodbye for now. 

I expected things to get harder the closer it got to the anniversary date, and I was right. I'm back to that insanity of feeling like everything is falling apart. What little bit of my brain I got back the last year has magically disappeared. I have hives every night, (if you don't know I had them for 4 months straight all over right after Corey died) So I am grateful they just come for a little while at night and only on my arms. 

I think about Corey constantly, but instead of being sad he is gone, I have found that mainly I have happy memories that make me smile and remember how lucky I was to be in his life. 

I feel close to him, but not in the same desperate I want him back and life is terrible way, I feel him encouraging me and leading me to the life I am supposed to have now and being happy and content. 

As much as it totally sucks being with out him, I am so grateful for my best friend who is a bigger support than she will ever know is pulling me through this grief crap, and an amazing Mother in law, who is still there for me and loves me despite my past screw ups. 

I am amazed at how much I have learned about myself, the people in my life, and what I want from life dealing with everything for the last 2 years. 

I love knowing I am Stronger than I ever imagined and that I am not letting this destroy me the way I have seen it do to others. 

So for now, I'm just taking it one day, one feeling at a time and loving life. Keeping in mind it could get worse but that I can get through whatever is thrown at me.