I feel like there has been a fog, its covered or blurred memories so that they haven't been able to hit me as hard. Almost like protecting my fragile frame of mind and sanity.
Since the 2 year mark it feels like this fog is lifting, moving on.
Memories are much clearer. The pain or happiness associated with them more intense.
A fresh new wave of grief is hitting me, its exhausting. That's the best way to describe it, WAVES. Just like in the ocean the water is always moving, the grief is always there. Then there are the big and little waves that hit. I'm surfing the grief. I expected things to calm down a little after the anniversary date. Its almost like my brain is saying "Lets see how much she can take now".
The memories are a double edged sword, I am so grateful for each and everyone of them. Yet they hurt, I miss my husband, I'm mad he isn't here with me making more memories. I'm so angry at everything some days. Its like this ball of fire inside me just waiting, then it erupts and its so consuming. I feel sick, I cant think.
I just want it all to go away.
I just want my husband back.
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