Time

Its been a while since I wrote anything last. Not because I haven't wanted to post or because I haven't had anything I wanted to share. I just have not had a spare second to sit down and get my feelings from my brain to actual words. 
Thanksgiving was pretty much as perfect as it could possibly be. I had Tripp and we woke up on thanksgiving day and made turkey sugar cookies and then we went to Corey's moms house for the thanksgiving dinner, Meeting Tripp's dad and family there. It is amazing how much more special and fun the holidays are when I have my Tripp with me. 
I always love going to Corey's moms house for holidays. I feel so comfortable and at peace there. I am not the only one that is missing someone. Corey's mom feels the loss of her son. His brothers the loss of there brother, his nephews the loss of their uncle. Its there with all of us and we just deal. We talk about him and its no big deal. We share memories and if the tears come its almost natural and its so much easier to deal with. I did go into what was our room that still has our bed and some of his stuff in it and I shut the door and spend a little while in there just remembering. Seeing his things that are still there. Feeling him. I finally was able to take his blanket home with me. For the longest time I couldn't take it off our bed, I  have been holding it some nights. It still smelled like him and that made him so real again and it was so comforting. 
This time of year and the 2 year mark have given me some hard times the last month or so. I have started dreaming about him again. It is awesome to dream about him and then heartbreaking to wake up and feel that loss so fresh again. When I pick up Tripp it is an hour drive from Taylorsville to his house in Clinton and I drive through all the places we made all of our memories. It can be a hard drive to do sometimes. It is also refreshing to have all the memories, be able to cry and express grief by myself and try and move through it. 

We had a family Christmas Party about a week ago with all my brothers and sisters and their kids. I had Tripp with me because I feel like he is my child. He is cousins with all my nieces and nephews and my parents consider him a grandchild. That was a hard day because I wanted my Corey there with me for that first family party with all of us. Things like this make me realize there is this big person missing who should be next to me, a part of our family. My brother also told me that he has a video of Christmas 3 years ago, Corey's last Christmas. I am going to get the memory card and put it on my laptop. I want to see it so bad, I am working up the courage...  I will get there. 
Life is full and good, I am happy with where I am and where I am headed.